Phil ,92, approached my coffee shop table slowly, with a walker, a coffee and a great smile. His opening comment was that he knew nothing about computers and was curious about my laptop.
Phil lives alone and built a fortune in small businesses that he then gave to those in his life in their times of need. We spoke for no more than 20 minutes and, in that time, Phil provided insight and life lessons that resonated with my current interest in multi-generational relationships for colleagues and citizens.
Have a plan and a back-up plan
“I never do anything without a plan” Phil said. Then, with a smile, he let me in on his true secret to success, “but I also always have a back-up plan. I will never get caught if something doesn’t work out.” Having a plan is common wisdom these days. There are whole industries that exist to help you plan for an emergency, plan for business growth, and plan for becoming a parent.
However, Phil’s focus is not on the plan. It is on the “what ifs,” the deeper level of understanding that can only come when you know your goal, how you will go about attaining it and what other options are available to you.
Trust grows based on action, not talk
These days there are many avenues for commentary. Television, the radio, print media and social media are full of pundits and commentators. However, Phil worries about who is left to take action.
He cites the recent examples of government funding being squandered. “That’s our money and often the government treats it like it is theirs.” He worries about how many expense account irregularities there are and the sheer number of scandals that need to be investigated.
Earlier in our conversation we had discussed the word “trust.” Phil advocated for it to be struck from the modern dictionary since it was no longer actively in practice. His discussion about government spending brought this sentiment back to the forefront. When we talk about critically important topics, be they the spending of public funds or the quality of our education system or the need for better health care, without putting equal focus on the actions we are taking we violate a social trust. We undermine what we expect from each other. We reduce our relationships to surface discussion without any hope for action.
We need headlines focused on action, not opinion. Otherwise, we perpetuate the view that Canadian’s are all talk and no action on issues that are critical to our future.
Time is my enemy
I hear this sentiment a lot. Typically it is from executives or entrepreneurs struggling to fit everything into busy days and still find time for family and friends.
In Phil’s case, he means the opposite. He has nothing but time.
Time is a funny thing. We spend most of our lives treating it as a scarce and valuable resource. However, there comes a time when your obligations fall away and you are left with time as a commodity rather than a scarcity. For some, this starts in their 60s as they enter retirement. For others, like Phil, in their 80s and 90s as old friendships and relationships are affected by illness and death. The end result is the same – we are all seeking ways to have meaningful relationships that fill our time in ways that are rewarding. We all have capacity to give and want to know our time is appreciated.
My 20 minutes with Phil were a reprieve from an otherwise busy day. As Phil says “no one lives life alone.” We live in relationships with each other - some good, some bad. All affect our choices.
I am glad Phil chose to sit and talk with me and look forward to our next chat.
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